Something I hope I never have to do:
This one is actually tough for me on a much deeper level. I feel like it forces you to think as morbidly as possible and considering I am not in the "brightest" spot in my life, you'd think that wouldn't be so hard. I obviously don't want to do things like bury my parents or a sibling- which is inevitable to some degree. SO for me to say I hope I NEVER have to do it is truth, yet also blatantly unrealistic. Those are obvious answers to the prompt and if I'm being "truthful" here, I think they are too easy. I don't want to die. Or lose someone close to me. Or even a pet. I don't want to have to shovel snow or mow my lawn. I hope I never have to do any of those things. But, I know I have to.
SO I made myself sit here. I forced myself to really think. What do I really truly hope I never have to do? I decided that I hope that I never ever have to go through anything like this again-namely I hope I never have to actually talk myself out of taking my life. EVER AGAIN. I will not allow myself to be so low. You shouldn't have to talk yourself into living.
So often people don't understand depression. I'll get questions like "what happened?" Honestly many times- nothing. No specific thing made me not want to get out of bed or made me unable to look at myself in the mirror. Sometimes it's lots of things. Other times it's nothing at all. There are good days and there are bad. I am taking one day at a time these days. I am going to work on me for a while-the right way. & I hope I never have to start at rock bottom again.
Excellently written. It's easier to stay down than try to crawl back up isn't it?
ReplyDeleteHow true, I have been through that phase too, especially when you have a huge load of peer pressure, it kinda sucks more. I was not able to go up to the mirror and look at myself until I decided to make a change last week. I hope you never end up in this position, ever again.
ReplyDeleteYeah, I actually never ask anyone who is feeling low, questions like what happened? Also trying to impose on them that they have to let it out. I know how irritating that is, because I have been the butt of that more often than not, and if I need my space and privacy, well so does everyone. People really need to understand that. Sometimes we just let it out coz' we have to, not coz' we need advice, but we want to be heard, and re-assured that everything is going to be okay.
You're doing wonderful at this, Fool :)
I know exactly what you mean to hit rock bottom. And the depression questions get old real quick. I never ask these questions because I would never want to be asked them myself. I hope you never have to start from rock bottom again either.
ReplyDeleteKeep your head up :D
Just the type of well thought out, honest, intelligent answer that makes me think you'll make it out of rock bottom. Most people could never hope to be this honest or self aware. Most people don't ever realize the difference between what they don't want to do, the inevitable and the things that are in their control.
ReplyDeleteKeep climbing.
Lor
I hope you don't ever have to do that again, either. Truly.
ReplyDelete