Monday, January 17, 2011

The Tangled Web I Weave...

Ohhhh where do I even begin?!

              He came home Friday evening.   Just in time for his mother's 60th birthday party. (Oh, did I forget to mention that his mother invited me. Andddd I may have made her a video montage of her entire life, per her request.  Yea I'm that girl. BFF with the fam. Lovin life.) I am also best friends with his brother & sister-in-law, who both know everything and have always been very supportive of me.  You'd think it would be awkward but it's really not.   Lord knows they could have told me,  years ago when they found out, I was a raging whore and they never wanted to speak to me again. But they didn't. The have loved me and made me a part of their family and I couldn't be more thankful for that.  

            To make a long boring story short, his brother intercepted the letter addressed to his wife.  I can't seem to decide if this is good or bad. Because now he doesn't have to tell her.  Which I think is complete bullshit and it makes me sick to my stomach to even think that all of the "we're in this together" & "I'm going to tell her when I get home" lines he has been telling me on the phone this week aren't true.  See, the thing is, I want to believe him.  I want to believe that our talks on the phone from half a world away meant something & the fact that I was interrogated like a fuckin murderer by the Chief made him really care.  I told him I WOULD NOT lie for him.  I told him I love him and I would do anything for him. ANYthing but lie.  I refuse. He wasn't real happy about that, but what ya gonna do? I may be a whore but I am not a liar.  He should know that by now.    

          Saturday afternoon I attempted to take a nap and was awoken by POUNDING on my front door. And I mean pounding.  It was the fuckin Mayor.  He was kinda pissed at me but look strangely relieved to see me. Turns out he thought I committed suicide because I didn't answer my phone.  Seriously? I was trying to sleep for the first time in a week. Honestly- LET ME BE!!  At least he's concerned I guess.
      Naturally as fate would have it, my mother pulled up 2 minutes after I let him him.  After he left she asked me why he was there with this very disturbed curiosity.  As I conjured up my excuse, I knew this wouldn't be the last of this conversation.  She bought it for the time being at least.

            After my brother's birthday dinner, she came over to the chair I was sitting in and sat on its arm.  "So are you gonna tell me the fuckin truth about why the Mayor was there today?" she said tersely.  "I don't really wanna talk about it" I told her.  
           "Is it Shamus?" she asked quite bluntly.  My stomach dropped.  I should have known I couldn't hide shit from her.  I admitted it was and gave her the Sesame Street version of the story for now.  I figured I could fill her in later.  SInce then she has fired of double rounds of questions I have tried to answer without breaking down.  I guess we're going to talk tonight.  Def looking forward to that. SIKE.  

Mrs. Shamus = OctoMom
             He's getting called in today. Probably within the next hour & Im a wreck. Why is doing the right thing always the hardest? We have been banned from speaking until the "investigation" is over because now the unions are involved.  AWESOME! SO yet again I'm in this "alone" for now.  Freaking out.  The truth is the only person who's going to lose anything in this whole fucking mess is ME.  Yay! I'm sure nothing will happen to him today which will reinforce the fact that he won't "need" to tell wifey.  I have to admit I HIGHLY doubt this is the end of this little tirade by the "concerned citizen".  And I'm guessing if this person is a part of our department, they most likely know that wifey didn't get the letter, and will fire off a few more.  I also have to admit, i hope she finds out.  Not even for me, but because the more and more I think about it, and the more and more I dislike, I still believe she has the right to know.  She is the mother of his children and she deserves to know.  Even if she wants to keep having babies to keep him around. 

All I ever wanted was for him to pick me. Just once.  


  1. TOTALLY! Every time I catch my breath I lose it again! lol

  2. I don't understand why they always make it fall on YOUR shoulders. YOU are the single woman doing your thing- HE is the one who stepped out on his marriage. HIS family is the one who continues to hide it from his wife despite the fact that they know everything is going on and now he breathes a sigh of relief cuz the letter to wifey gets intercepted and where does that leave you? Fucked. Still in love. No end in sight. It's one of those things like.. you don't want it to end but at least if he did end it with you to maintain appearances and work things out with his wife you could at least move on.. or if he finally decided to leave his family then ABRACADABRA! You found your love! this entire damn thing just keeps getting prolonged and now they are telling you two that you can't talk? I would be like "uh 'cuse me Mr. Union rep but I don't pay you the big bucks to go all dictator on my ass so you can tell me who I can talk to" Ugh I'm so frustrated and pissed for you. AH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! that's all I got.

  3. Thanks, Mrs. Bee. I couldn't have said it better myself. I think I'm so emotionally and physically exhausted I don't even know what to do at this point. All I can do is keep taking deep breaths I guess. :(

  4. Just keep breathing! I think that's the best advice you can give yourself. Hang in there!

  5. Girl, what a Tyrannosaurs Rex of a mess. :( Just continue to hold a death grip on TRUTH. Truth is one of the most important things in this life.

    And so is your heart.

  6. OMG, this really, really sucks. I am so totally with Mrs.Bee's comment above and I feel so damn angry... Ughh!!

  7. Just found your blog yesterday, and read all of it backwards. Jesus, life is crazy sometimes. I just dropped a similar bomb on my own blog, God knows how that one will turn out :)

    One stranger to another, keep up the writing. I got a sense from the many different moods in your posts that it helps. And I'll keep following.