Friday, January 7, 2011

I'm a WEINER!!!!!

          January 6th always sneaks up on me & weird shit happens every year.  It was ten years ago on January 6th that "The one who shall not be named" & I broke up.  You can read about that here.  Shortly after, I met Shamus and we all know how that turned out.  Or should I say is STILL turning out...

STOP SINGING SARAH!!! I can't take it! 
       Rose wanted me to go see Sarah McLachlan last night. As much as I'd love to spend $65.00 on intentionally making myself suicidal, I decided to pass.  I do enjoy Sarah immensely, however, I don't think I'm emotionally stable enough to subject myself to that.  Mostly because of the money thing but also because I can barely handle the SPCA commercial where she sings Angel.  I have to make myself hang up every time.  That shit puts me right over the edge and I about offer up my entire paycheck to save the kitties.  I had a feeling attending a live concert would not be good for anyone involved.  Especially because it was a last minute, game time decision and we would have had to sit 2 rows apart.  Can you fuckin imagine that?!! Yea, I know.    Choooo Chooo. All Aboard the Hot. Mess. Express.

Something good DID happen yesterday though.  I got a BLOG AWARD! Yea. You heard me.  "I'm the weinerrrrr!"  I almost sharted myself because I have literally never won anything. SO big moments happenin for Murphy's Fool! (That's me...Explanation) So thank you, thank you, thank you Jax! You legit made my life! So I guess I have to share my 5 guilty pleasure & pass it on to 3 other super sweet bloggy bff's that make me excited in my pants.  So here goes nothin! 

5. French Fries. Yea guilty as charged.  I LOVE FRIESSSSS!  I cannot resist those little fuckers. I will destroy their greasy goodness even if I'm full.  I hate their shear power over me.  They laugh in the face of my diet and toy with my emotions.  They never make me feel guilty, even though I should. I wub you french fries. Like Celine Dion,  I love you then I hate you then I love you. 

4. Dipping sauce. I am THAT girl who asks for every dipping sauce available at a restaurant without shame or remorse.  You could pretty much fry anything and give me dipping sauce and I'd eat it.  I dip everything.  It's a horrible habit that leaves poor plain food sans sauce left uneaten & discarded.  (Damn I sound like a giant grease eating amazon woman.  I do eat healthy most of the time.) 

3. Self Help Books- Perhaps it's my need for some serious help, or the fact that it makes me feel better that other people were as fucked up as me and decided to write a book, but I LOVE the self help section.  "Will he really leave her for me?"- own it. "Having an Affair? The guide for the OTHER woman."- yep.  "Why Men Love Bitches?"- yesirr.  "I Love a Cop"-absolutely.  "How to Make Any Man Love You"-FUCK yes. I have em all. & the worst part is if I don't like them I totes take them back and return them. hahahaha SCUMBAG? Eh well! ( I do think the one cashier at Barnes & Noble is on to my shenanigans though. He gives me the stink eye when I walk in now.) 

2. Blogging.  This has become a serious addiction.  I love it.  I love "meeting" all of you & getting comments & of course giving comments. I have to admit I enjoy "taking" more than giving. OOPS.  But this whole little secret world is so fascinating to me and I'm already in love with all of you and your stories.  Thank you for letting me share mine.  Loveeee Youuuu. 

1. Shamus. My number one REALLY guilty pleasure is him. I can't help it & I know you saw that one coming but I would be lying to you and myself if I didn't just say it. I love how I feel when I am with him.  I love how he makes me feel sexy even when I'm not, safe & scared, loved & unloved at the same time, and most of all, I love him.  Even though he is a sucky texter and even when he gets in these moods where I can decipher if he is having a bad day or just annoyed with me or feeling guilty about us.  I love him when he least deserves it.  I love him even when I can tell he's upset about something because he gets these two lines on his forehead, but of course would never admit something is wrong.  He's a horrible communicator which is the COMPLETE opposite of me, but I love him anyway.  He's a prick and a miserable fuck some days. He evokes rage in me that is almost scary.  Yet, everytime we are together, even after 10 years, I STILL get that "butterfly-holyfuck-youmakemesmile-youmakemewannascream-Iabsolutelyloveyoufeeling."  I know it's wrong and awful and I should just walk away and never look back. But, guys, I just can't.  I'm not ready yet.  I hate that fucker.  ;)

Ahemmmm. And now for the "swapping of spit"  ...wait whoaaa... I meant  the "Irresistibly Sweet Blog Award".   

Drumroll please. 

1. Sara from Sara Swears A Lot was one of my very first blog girl crushes and I love her.  She is hilarious and you should check out her blog immediately.  If her blog was a man, I'd marry it & bang it at least 7 days a week. 

2. Roxanne & Lorraine from Late to the Party are my second blog girl crushes.  They are fabulous & someday soon we are going to have a "Dick Swap".  Don't ask, just be INSANELY jealous.  

3. Aly from Calling People Names definitely deserves the final award.  She rocks & has one of the best blogs ever.  Check that bitch out.  You won't be disappointed.  

Andddddd I'm spent. 

Ps. Corey, I'd give you this award but I noticed you already have it! What's a girl to do?


  1. Aw, thank you! You're my favorite new person because you talk about dicks casually, just like me! We're made for each other!

    Oh, and you can bang my blog anytime ifyaknowwhatimean.

  2. Sara Mclachlan... That commercial gives me a big old case of the sads.

  3. You are quite welcome for the award, you deserve it. I love your guilty pleasures especially the french fries. I am a sucker for those things myself :D

  4. Congrats on the award. Now let the fun begin!

  5. I totally agree about the Sarah McLachlan commercials.

    I saw your question on my blog about how to tell how people find your blog and how long they look at it. I set up Google Analytics - it was free and it was pretty easy. They give you a code to put in the html of your blog (I don't do html coding but it was easy to just put in the top of all the codes) and then you can just check the analytics to find out how many visitors you're getting and what they're looking at, how they got there, etc.

    Hope that helps!!!

  6. Thanks for the award, sexy. I've been drinking tequila...let's make out.

  7. I have a very creepy admission: I just read through your entire blog. So stalkery, right? But I just couldn't help but feel that I was missing peices of the you/Shamus story and now I feel totes more educated.

    That said, I think I JUST saw this. WTF? How did I miss a bloggity award??

    Thank you. I <3 you. Penis for life.


  8. Totes glad you are stalking me. I need to be stalked soooo bad! There is tons more to the story but i dontwannaboreyou.
    ALso def deserved the award. Imma make you a penis award. You just wait. PUMPED.


  9. Ali- lets make out. NOW. I need inappropriate touching & empty calories immediately. Thanksloveyoumeanit.