Monday, January 10, 2011

Dear Concerned Citizen;

Go. Fuck. Yourself. 

It's Friday at about 3:45pm and I'm just about to pack up for the weekend & go home.  My office phone rings and it's one of my friends who works in the Police Department. She also happens to be very close to the Mayor.  She casually asks me what I am doing that night and I tell her I have my niece then I have no plans.  Then she says I NEED TO TALK TO YOU.  I can sense the urgency in her voice, not only because we've had this conversation before, but also because there is an eerie silence after this direct & blunt statement.  Hesitantly, I say       "ok. Well is it good or bad?"  

"You're going to be crushed."

      My stomach dropped.  My arms went numb & I am pretty sure I lost conscientiousness for a second or two.  The last time she spoke those words to me I was manically signing on to the newspapers website to read 57 comments about me.  Saying things like "What's more frightening is the plastic surgery she's has in a, obviously, futile attempt to control her weight.  I think she's still making payments on it-yet, clearly it hasn't worked."  & "Shamus is obviously NOT thinking with his brain. That will probably hit him like a brick when his Wife is told point-blank about the affair, although I can't believe she doesn't know- it's been going on since BEFORE they became engaged- through the Wedding, one child & now a second child is on the way."  

      That was February 18th of last year.   THAT sent me into a deep depression that took me months to get out of and my heart still isn't healed.  Picture every single thing you are self-conscious about.  Things that you don't even verbalize to your closest friend.  Now see that in black & white print on the internet.  For everyone in your community to see, including you grandmother who might be the single most religious person you're ever met.  Yea, picture that.  

"A letter was received today from a "Concerned Citizen". she tells me.  "It's about you and Shamus".  

"FUCK. O.K.  What does it say?"

To Whom It May Concern;

I am writing to you as a concerned citizen of the City of HELL.  

I have witnessed an affair between City Of Hell Police Captain Shamus & Fool.  
An affair that has been going on for some time.  It has been a documented affair and is well known not only in the police department but the entire city.  Captain Shamus is not only a married man but someone who is and should be look at as a role model. While on duty their affair has been photographed & witnessed on more than one occasion going in and out of Fool's place of residence. 

I hope that with this letter an investigation can take place, because what someone does on their own time is their business, but when we as citizens pay the salaries of these officers and this is how they spend their time, it is disgusting and people should be held accountable for their actions. 


Concerned Citizen

Yes friends... that letter was sent to the Chief of Police, the Mayor of my city who doubles as my boss, and the entire Police Board.  To put it mildly-looks like the cats outta the bag. 

So now what? 

I have no fucking clue. The good news is that this time it's a direct attack on him and it doesn't call me fat.  Which I know is minimal considering what is most likely going to transpire in the following week, however, it does make me feel better.  The additional bad news is that Shamus is out of town until Friday so I basically have to bang my head against the wall for the nest 5 days wondering what will happen.  We spoke the Saturday night and I was basically too numb to even comprehend what he said.  Surprisingly enough, he wasn't mad or mean or placing blame on me.  I certainly didn't have my thoughts together and honestly have no clue what I want to say to him or how to say it.  However, I know that I need to get EVERYTHING I possibly can off my large plastic surgery chest before he gets home because he plans on telling "Wifey" about the letter.  I am guessing he will not admit to "us" despite the fact that now would be the time to do so.  

Remember the other day when I asked God for a little assistance?  I said I was at a crossroad and needed some help.  Mysterious ways people.  Very mysterious ways.  

If you need me, I'll be self-loathing, drowning in a bottle of vodka/Xanax & rocking back and forth in a padded room.  



  1. Oh not a good place to be is it? Sometimes life is just not friggen' fair. Don't take too many xanax with that vodka. It always passes and life goes on.

  2. Holy. Shit.

    What a clusterfuck. I'm not even sure, and I don't know if I'm well acquanted enough with the whole story, to know what to wish for, but I do hope that things work out in your favor. Whatever your heart desires.

    Why? You once offered me a penis, and I will never forget it.

    And fuck whoever sent this. Concerned my ass.


  3. Barb- don't worry I only had one Xanax to work with!

    Lorraine- I's a HOT MESS to say the least. But I certainly would never deny you of dicks. Let's make this happen. I need something to look forward to. Intheformofapenis.

  4. Wow...seriously...that person needs to get the fuck over it. They aren't in the slightest bit concerned. they are just trying to meddle and stir shit up.